Now aren't we all just cabbages?

We are all champion advocates of human rights. That is what we are today. With political establishments being overthrown globally in recent times, the laws of Science presents itself in the form of inertia, spreading uprisings, and setting a stage for common folks to assume a moral high-ground against its ruling constitution. It is only a matter of time before we will begin to see a new era of rebellion spreading across the globe like a disease, for we have seen the examples set forth by our middle-eastern counterparts, the so-called heroic dissidents of truth and equality, and for we too yearn for the joy of freedom against repression, oppression, and ‘what-so-ever-sion’ that we may come to think off when it is called for.

Welcome to the era of generation-X. The era when the Internet allows the truth to be accessed with the convenience of a click, which makes it all the more disturbing to comprehend, when one realizes that our golden generation has been given the choice to only ASSUME the truth, for there is not one single piece of information laid in our world-wide-web that is not biased in favor of a particular sentiment of belief. Be it on the basis of any form of ulterior motive, I daresay that almost 70% (if not more) of our youth today had the vision of the “ideal” future shoved down their throats by external influences, particularly by family members and their peers. Now that is what I call peer pressure. We allowed our minds to be brainwashed by the endless preaches of “the Only Truth” by those who we choose to trust, and thus we ride on the wave of momentum, delivering the message we are bred to believe but not to question, condemning clashing view-points as blasphemy, continuing the sermons as we were told, and continuing the hate as we pass it on to the children of our children, just like how it was passed down unto us. We choose to see what we want. We choose to believe in what we want. What fools have we made ourselves to be. I am downright disgusted by the way we allowed our emotions to overpower rational thoughts, and yet we dare say that we are only spreading the truth, for the truth must be embraced, and non-believers shall rot with their dicks in their mouth. I am not worthy to be the epitome of rational thoughts, for I am myself a man of many mistakes. But I realized that by having a neutral stand, one would be able to see pass all the bickering and mess, and soon find out that no political party, no religion, no nothing is indeed worthy enough to be accepted as the only “truth”. But here is the catch, people like me are cursed to suffer from what I would label as “information paranoia”. I find it hard to believe in whatever I read, hear or see. I am a constant skeptic, a constant cynic and at times even a narcissist, for I do not know who and what to trust, and for I could not even be bothered to lay my trust on anyone or anything, either collectively or individually, but on my own thought-processes. Upon stating this, one might say that i contradict with my own points that i've mentioned earlier, but let me remind you, that there is not one single human being who isn't cursed with the gift of hypocrisy. Our trust and beliefs are cultivated and selectively nurtured in favor of a certain ideal, via daily experiences and the ever important mass media, and as we grow, we need more of these “nutritions” to constantly fuel our faith, to remind us that we are on the right path, and on our very own lane we grow. We grow as vegetables on a designated plot, never creeping and always separated from the other plots where different plants are grown, for we were foretold by the harbinger from the future of our ancestor's past that blasphemy is the justification for those who stray away. We deny alternative viewpoints at our peril, never to realize that we have perversely tainted the very basic calling for PEACE, LOVE and EMPATHY amongst the ENITRE human race with our many different factions of beliefs. And in the end, what we have left for ourselves are lies, deceit, and variant messages of hate amongst our own kind in the struggle for power,intellectual vanity, and control.

in hating memoir.

Depression. For fucks sake, one will encounter numerous periods of self-pity and mortification throughout his life, totally normal, and entirely human of nature. But the worst part of it is knowing that its just a phase, yet not doing anything to pick ourselves up. Because we love the occasional downfall. Because we love to indulge in our own sorrows, ironically amplified by the joy of others who are most dear and closest to us. Readers, be forewarned. This post is totally pointless. Even more pointless than my previous ones. So do go away if you couldn’t care less to waste your time gaining absolutely nothing by reading this.

So here i am, scribbling random thoughts accompanied by “i-feel-like-ripping-your-head-off” music. Nothing much, just plain boredness and a pinch of anger made me write this. Ok so lets see. I hate everyone. LOL. I pity myself. Alot. So much to the point that i despise myself and deny my very own existence. I avoid having company because i don’t see myself to be of any significance worth enough to be within the vicinity of others. Yes, i am ashamed of myself for being nothing that my expectations have made me. Aspirations are nothing but imaginary shadows of ourselves in a dark room, made up to deny our true selves, nothing but a dark figure blindly searching for a way out. For when there is a shadow, there is light. And when there is light, there is the personification of hope. Screw hope. Hope makes us ignorant. It blocks our eyes from the view of this mad, cruel world around us. They say not to believe in fate, that our lives are how we shape it out to be. But if one doesn’t believe in fate, then one should be ashamed for claiming that there is a hope. They say that we have tried our best and there is always hope. But what can we do to manipulate our chances and make our hopes come true? We only use the word “hope” when we lose complete control on the outcomes of our own exploits. And if we can’t alter anything already, isn’t that relying on fate? Fuck you. I curse and despise every human being for being the complex creatures we are. Humans run their mouth oh-so-willingly and speak words of wisdom they themselves breach and defy at some point in their lives. Its funny how words can alter one’s perception, either for the good or the bad. But denial of a hope and refusal of transitions towards a more positive mind set have left me searching for flaws in every self-comfort points leaving myself with nothing but fucked-up preaches of hypocrisy.

I’m tired of watching people succeed. These people are the most important people in my lives. I’m not jealous in any way, and I feel nothing but happiness and joy for what they have achieved and yet to be achieve. I want nothing but the best for them, but then everything seems to conveniently fall apart, little by little, piece by piece in my case. And who do i have to blame for it? AHAHA. ME. O yeah. Stupid little me. None of this is not my fault. I was ignorant. I was lazy. And i have no one to blame but me =).

So tis’ the season to be moody and contemplate my failures. I must admit that i enjoy basking in my pitiful sorrows and do nothing of it because i’m fucking tired of making a change. I’m tired of studying. i’m tired of working hard. I’m tired of trying to be who i thought i was meant to be. I’m tired of hopping and hoping for hope to come hopping at my doorsteps with dope. And for all of this of course, like i said, is just a phase. Or maybe its just because i’m just overly overdosed with caffeine which was initially intended to fuel myself towards self –improvement and not self-bigotry. So for those personally close to me, there’s no need to push the panic button just yet, this does not qualify as a well-written suicide note for my incredibly high, imaginary double-standards. i'm a narcissist mind you, and i believe that the ideal world is populated only by duplicates of me,myself, and I. Fuck thoughts and emotions. I am the epitome of despair in my own world. Yes, there are many others who are suffering or have suffered even worse situations than me. That’s why i used “in my own world” you bastard, before you start comparing your sad story with mine to claim the prize of being the biggest loser. So yeah, once again, fuck thoughts and emotions. I’d do better being a farm cow chewing on grass and have my breasts milked for life.


P.S : “sting like a bee, be humble like a dukha!”

round-go-merry

Up to this point, I realised that all my previous posts are in one way or another complaining about something. I find myself to be curious and inquisitive enough to make a fuss out of the littlest, most insignificant issues; which in turn leads to the self-realisation that I am so annoying that I can’t even stand myself. Well without further a due, i would now like to proceed to analyse/discuss/complain on another new, worthless issue =)

Let’s talk about “words of wisdom”. Those selected phrases, constructed in a such way as to bring hope and words of advice to those who are in desperate need of spiritual aid. For those who are not familiar with such phrases, you might be able to spot a few, via retards posting a bunch of words they might not even know the meaning to, whilst alternating between uppercase and lowercase alphabets as their facebook status.

E.g : iGnOrAnCe iS bLisS ^^

For individuals who do understand, It is a shame however to state the fact that many are ignorant enough not to realise, that for every ‘word of wisdom’, there will be another handful of contradicting ‘words of wisdom’s , bringing the total opposite message, but similar emotional soothing effects.

For example, ever heard of “live your life to the fullest” before? Yes, the best self-comforting excuse one uses to avoid the guilt of eating too much junk food, choosing to party instead of studying, go on a shopping spree, cheating on their significant other, smoking, etc. The funny thing is, every action that requires the usage of “live your life to the fullest” to substantiate other motivating/catalysing phrases of the action such as “you only live once”, or “don’t be afraid to step out of your comfort zone” , goes against many other ‘words of wisdom’s that, at some point in our lives, have we lived by or held on to. People change their principles way too many times in a lifetime, resorting to anything, even to a bunch of so-called-wise-words, just for the sake of justifying their actions and liberating themselves from the guilt they once cursed themselves with. Well that just shows how narcissistic we all are, aren’t we?

So for the fun of it, try sitting down and think of the many things you have done that you once told yourself, you would never, ever do. Then think again. Its not that bad actually rigghhhtttt? Well my friend, your mind have just been scrambled by the rhetoric wheel of ‘words of wisdoms’ =)

food for thought.

If thoughts were turned into deeds, then this world would be a barren place. Imagine the amount of chaos there would be if hateful ideas were put into action the moment it pops into one’s mind. But of course we don’t see people killing each other on the basis of having an annoying face or for listening to Justin Bieber because we humans, are blessed with the gift of thoughts and rationale. But if we come to think of it, is it really a gift so dear? Yes, ‘akal fikiran’ is the only thing that differentiates us from animals, the only thing that tells us that roadkills are carcasses and not food. Due to the fact that we are blessed with the gift of cognition, we are able to evaluate the cause and effects prior to our actions, which thus lead to self-control and refrains from swatting the head off an annoying fucktard the second one presents itself. Heck, I’m not complaining much for having this ‘gift,’ although it would be useful at times to do the world a favour and have one less idiot within our rising population.

But have one ever thought of the burden that we carry upon ourselves too for having this so-called gift? Have u ever felt like killing someone just because you think that he/she is annoying? Or maybe just for the fun of it because he/she has weird fashion sense(ed-hardy sweaters and supra shoes)? The ‘burden’ being referred to, is not the law and jurisdictions that we have (rational thinking+ decision making+ the need of labelling = law), but actually the sense of superiority that each of us possess within ourselves. Let us ALL admit the fact that we ALWAYS think that we are better than others. In one way or another, humans are egoistic creatures born with the “I am better than you/ I am always right” thinking, even myself. And with this very ego, we get jealousy. With this ego, we get discrimination in various forms : racial, ethnic, religion, musical taste, and many other funky ways we humans choose to in some sense, deny another individual’s freedom of choice. Actions are blatantly deemed to be wrong and unlawful if it clashes with our beliefs and extends beyond our comfort zone. And the best part is, we stop ourselves from saying/doing shit because we know better not to invite trouble upon ourselves. With the gift of thought, we carry upon our shoulders the curse of jealousy, hate, and discrimination. So does it still seem to you like a gift now? Indeed, if thoughts were turned into deeds, then this world would be a barren place. So lets us all together continue living our lives as cowards and replay the murder scene of that annoying fucktard in our heads over,and over, and over again.


Peace.love.empathy. :)

the malaysian political scene from the eyes of a 20 year old.

Recently, there was a news report on TV where some guy from SPR (Suruhanjaya Pilihan Raya) was giving out stats about the alarming number of ‘warga belia’s who still haven’t registered themselves as voters yet despite the ton of effort and money the government have spent in encouraging so via cheesy, low-cost adverts aired on local broadcasting networks.

To qualify yourself as a voter, the rules are simple enough- the minimum age is 21 years old and you must be a Malaysian citizen. Anyone who is qualified is encouraged to register and uphold your rights in choosing the government upon which the party/candidate that gets the majority support wins and gains CONTROL (emphasis is given on the word ‘control’ which I will discuss further in this post).

Well enough with the facts which I suppose anyone should’ve known by now. Moving on to a more abstract topic, who should we choose to give power to? Let us look at the options we have served on our menu of ‘Malaysian politics’. Must I warn readers to keep an open mind while reading this post and that I am gifted at ignoring hate mails and derogatory comments with the utmost ease understanding the fact that only imbeciles would assume the role of a cyber-warrior and not meet me to have an open discussion. For starters, we have a classic, a dish so old that we have hung on to since the moment we started eating altogether. Let’s imagine this dish to be our very own pride-of-the-country ‘Nasi Lemak’. Many amongst us have cried foul all these years, claiming that we have been served the same nasi lemak for too long, that it does not taste as good as they were about 40 years ago, and a new revolution; a reformation is needed. Hopes and promises were made but the fact remains that even till now, we’re still being served with the same old dish on our platters day in and day out. On the other hand, we have an exotic competitor, a fusion dish, a mixture of ingredients composed of the most impossible of combinations imaginable. Imagine Nasi Lemak served with caviar and fondue. God bless the chef who even thought it. And so we have ourselves now a new challenge for our curious taste buds, an unexplored experience, a dish which at the same time is trying to keep itself together long enough to claim authority before it falls into pieces. Oh and must I remind everyone that one of the chefs is accused of bombing a Mongolian chick into smithereens and the other is accused of sticking his magic stick up another poor guys’ stinkhole? Anyone in their right mind could care less about getting themselves busy with the whole ballot casting process but yet we still see people strutting with pride and confidence to cast their votes with the belief that they are making the best decision. So now the question is, why do they feel that way?

The answer is simple enough, and it is called advertising. This is my whole point of writing this post anyway. The way I see it, politics and democracy brings with it a whole lot of advertising, even more than the advertisers themselves could handle thus leading to the hilarious finger pointing and self-praise we see and hear in the news daily. Each and every political party have their own agenda, their stance which specific communities and likeminded individuals could relate to.

Opposition parties claim that they fight for a change, that the current institutional government is corrupted and not capable of serving best to the interest of the people. They feed off the littlest discrepancies, constantly looking out for any faults and blowing it up in the biggest manner possible- that is their way of advertising. They stand independent without the backing of the media so they resort to websites and blogs which are among the most interesting things to read whenever one is bored to death and searching for a good laugh. The government on the other hand have the advantage of the local news stations and other means of media which in the end results to the endless daily reminders of how much have they done for us and etc.

Now with the entire hullabaloo going on, what I find is that these two opposing forces (Thank God we only have 2 major ones so far, add another and things will be way beyond scrambled) are fighting for only one thing and that is to be the ruling party of this country. Their fight is revolved around their stance and that is how they gained supporters in the first place, but based on evaluations made from a neutral point of view, the post and power to rule is the main agenda for any party. Because if any party wants to do good for the nation, then the best path to choose is cooperation and assimilation, the adoption and implementation of the ideas which brings the most benefit for the nation, not the endless claims that their act is right and their enemies are wrong. Ever heard of the game of party switcheroo lately? They may call it as leaving the bad basket and joining the good one but why wait till you are despised by the other members to finally decide in public that you made a mistake in fighting for the wrong cause all these years? There are so many other key points which I could put forth for example oil prices, scholarships, religious issues etc (further elaboration would make the task of reading this post even more tiring than it already is) but like I said, the primary objective is control, and only
control with the added perks of wealth and fame.

In the end, all of it depends on the advertising. Sell your product well and the people will buy it. improvisation, both to market and save your skin is another factor too. But do have in mind that people these days lack the reasoning skills and their decisions have been planted in their minds since day one by their parents. Let’s face it, youths today show support for a certain political coalition only because their parents do to. And that is the biggest danger our youth is facing today. Only a handful of youths today are able to see through the wall build by their elders and decide independently, free from a biased upbringing and surrounding. For me, shameless to say, I would rather not choose any. Call me ignorant if you will but I still don’t see any party worth gaining my vote for the time being. cheers =)

god almighty!

In times of hardship, only will one seek for divine intervention- that is one of the few meaningful things I’ve learned so far now that I’m fucking twenty. I had this conversation about ‘God’ once last year with a very good friend of mine and we finally came up with a conclusion that the only reason why people put up and succumb to the rules and guidelines of a religion is - at the end of the day, we will have something to fall back on to; when all hope is lost. “GOD IS GREAT” – and in whatever form or shape or name that people may come up with to depict their own version of the only truth, “he/she/it” is a figment of our desperate souls searching for something greater and beyond our mortal comprehension. I am and will always be a man of no religion, No offence to everyone out there as  I respect your beliefs and practices in the utmost manner possible, no matter if u chose it or was forced into it since u were born. No matter how much I try, I cant have a rule book, a sworn affidavit of medieval souls to tell me how to differentiate between right and wrong. Yes, I know how to do the right deeds- but I don’t need heaven as a reward. Yes, I do feel guilty when I commit something bad- but I don’t see the need to brand it as a “sin” coming along with the package of endless torment and torture in hell. I do not need and do not want to be told what to eat, where to go, what to wear and when to celebrate because I can perfectly decide for myself on all that. But if there is one thing about religion that my god-damned self cant emulate is the ray of hope that EVERY religion provides, like I said, when all hope is lost. I remember one incident when I was 12 years old. T’was the night before my UPSR results were to be announced and for the first time in my life, I prayed. I was so scared, I wanted to do well so badly  that I went about all self-destructive on my emotions thinking of how badly I will screw up, and I prayed. I prayed to not one, but every single God I knew off. I cupped my hands and prayed to Allah. I put my fists together and prayed to Jesus. I prayed to Buddha. I prayed to Mother Mary, Ramayana and I even prayed to Santa Clause until there is no more holy figure my naïve, narcissistic mind can think of and reach out to. That night, I prayed (or some kid-like ritual I accept as praying), and I felt good. I felt good because I know someone up there is watching me and he/she/it will definitely answer my prayers because I knew/heard that “GOD IS GREAT”. Plus, I’ve been a good boy so give me my freaking 5 A’s. And when I finally got my grades, I forgot all about god and carried on with my life, liberated from any religious institution of any kind. I hadn’t give a thought about what I did ever since, not till very recently when an “out-of-my-control” thing happened that I somehow felt the need to repeat my childish rituals. Well that explains the introduction. I’ve always felt than I am bigger than God, that I am my own God. But not anymore. I’ve finally come to accept that there is a God out there, no preference in particular, and this time it’s definitely for real. But I will not pray nor will I do anything what a religion tells me to. As unholy as it may seem to you, I believe that there is a god out there to decide what time may bring but I will not succumb to ways preached by mortals who claim to be messengers or study the how-to-be-a-good-follower instructions through holy books printed by a factory sized Bubble-Jet. God is great, he is there, but sorry folks, the way I see it, that is just about it.